Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Of Long Holidays, Year End, and Personal Things

Hi everyone,

*This is not about crafting, just some personal update going on.*

Another blink of an eye and November comes to an end. It's a month to the end of the year. This year has been really lousy to me, personally, and it seems like every time I thought I had gained a foothold on the shit that life has dealt me, another really bad thing comes along, and I get suckered down again. 

And yes, that was what happened when I disappeared from my blogs. 

At the start of the long period of absence from this blog, I was actually doing well. Sort of well. I was managing my life quite okay. I was working on my writing, and managed a few hours of studying every day. And then two weeks ago, I got dragged down under, and everything just stopped. My mind went crazy and I had to either watch TV to quiet it down or sleep it off. So yeah, I've been sleeping a lot. And crocheting quite a lot too. 

I am not someone who is motivated. I think of myself as a drifter. I don't get particularly attached to anything, or anyone- other than my current boyfriend. The result is, my life is a series of ups and downs, mostly downs, and I am fine with that. I tell myself that it is payoff that I have to make because I got extra credits in the creativity department. But the truth is, I suspect (and I didn't want to examine is too particularly), that I like my 'down' periods too, painful and agonising as they might be. The contrast makes life sweeter. Or as sweet as it is to someone who doesn't quite care either way.

Sometimes I think about what I am leaving behind. As in a legacy. Does anyone think about what happens after they die? Some do good deeds and spread joy around. I just want someone to love me, for who I am. Perhaps a few of my own published novels lying around wouldn't go amiss either. I'd like to inspire others, and touch a few lives. 

It really pleases me when others leave a comment telling me how much they love my Instagram, or my work. I cannot tell you how much it means to me. They always make me smile, and amaze me, that anyone could enjoy what I do. 

And holiday period seems the worst. Everyone just look so happy! Obviously, I am glad that they are. I am not that perverse to wish everyone to be as miserable whenever I am so, but it makes me  feel lonelier. Like the single person doesn't really want to hang out with all his coupled-up buddies. The thought of Christmas makes me shudder. 

But.... on a positive note, I had a good Black Friday. ;) You know what that mean. Plenty of yarn purchase. Probably more than I should have spent. It'll go under retail therapy, I'm sure. I can't wait for them to come so I can share them here! 

Love, 
Jennifer